Mary speaks through PamelaTilburg, December 15 2007
I am here today with much joy and an open heart to all of you. I am Mary. I have been the mother of Jeshua. I represent the female aspect of the Christ energy, that is now being born on earth in greater and greater measures. The female energy has long been repressed in your society, and in your hearts as well.
The female energy is a primal force of creation, a fundamental part of All That Is. She brings forth life and flows through everyone. Without her, you would not exist, either as a soul or as a human being. The female flow of energy also carries magic at this time and wants to lighten the darkness of this December month as well as your inner struggles and heavier moods.
You sometimes wonder what it is all good for, this life of yours on planet earth. I tell you it is valuable and serves a purpose. You are doing important work here. Your presence has an influence on all life around you, you are bringing change to the world. However, that need not be the focus of your attention. You need not focus on others at all, to make the difference. The secret is that you need to focus solely on yourself and the integrity of your being. As you fill yourself with a loving consciousness, an acceptance of who you are in all your facets, you create a channel through which light easily comes to you and automatically flows out to others as well. You really only need to pay attention to yourself, to fulfil your mission here on earth.
In this context I would like to speak today about how you can be a spiritual mother to yourself. I represent the mother energy in the Christian tradition. But what does that really mean? Motherhood is a crucial aspect of the female energy: the mother is seen as the life giving, nurturing and caring aspect of nature. But is this image complete? In the images that were conjured up about me in the course of history, much has become distorted and misrepresented. I therefore would like to tell you a little more about my life on earth, when I was mother of Jeshua.
I have often been portrayed as a saint, but I surely wasn’t one during my life back then. I was an ordinary woman of flesh and blood, I knew great emotional turmoil and I am familiar with all that you are going through in your lives. In the family I was born, I was a latecomer, the seventh and last child with many brothers and sisters above me. I was a fairly strongheaded child. As a little one, I learned early on that I had to take care of myself and not rely on others. My parents were there for me, but I was not in the center of their attention. This however did fit my nature to some extent, for I loved being in my own fantasy world and go out on my own.
For a girl I was quite stout and adventurous. I also had a strong inner sense about things and I would not deviate from that guidance easily. I wasn’t too concerned about what others thought of me. I had elder brothers who teased me every now and then, and therefore I realized early on that it was necessary to build my own pride and self esteem, so that I could be who I was. I was a little different. I could sense energies and I had a tendency to “look through” people. Often, as they were chitchatting, I could feel they were hiding things, emotions that were violent or heavy, while their behavior was calm and collected on the surface. This confused me as a child. I sensed something was wrong and I wondered why, but no one explained it to me. I was therefore also a lonely child at times, I often felt misunderstood. I loved to be out in nature and I was fond of the animals around the house.
The worst thing that happened to me in my childhood was the death of my mother. This happened as I was still quite young, a teenager; my mother was relatively old as I had been a latecomer. Her death was the first confrontation with loss for me. It was a deeply painful experience and I felt shattered and abandoned. As I sat next to her on her death bed, it felt like I lost a piece of me. A part of me seemed to fade away irrevocably. And I could not hold on to it, I had to let go. This in fact would turn out to be the greatest lesson I had to learn in my lifetime: letting go.
I now take a great leap forward, to the time when my son Jeshua was born. Just like any mom, I adored my little baby and wanted to shield it from harm. In the beginning, I did not so much realize that there was something special about Jeshua. What I did know – all my life – was that there is an invisible hand guiding our lives. I sensed something bigger was working through our lives, something we cannot bend to our will, to our human needs and desires. I also knew that this greater power was benign and wise. There is a wisdom to it that we often cannot grasp with our human minds. It is only afterwards that we realize that life brings us exactly what we need. When it is actually happening, it may seem cruel and unjust.
And that is how seemed to me as I raised Jeshua. When he grew up, it soon became clear that there was something special about him. He had remarkable gifts and talents and was strongheaded just as I had been as a girl. I recognized that special energy in him quite well on the one hand, but on the other hand I found this very difficult. As a mother, you wish to protect your child for the bad powers in the world. But my son did not want to be shielded, he wanted to speak up and shine his light openly into the world. He was propelled by an inner mission, a greater power, that guided him to follow his very own path of bringing change into the world. It took me many years and much anguish to accept that. For his appearance raised distrust with the established order and he was running risks. He violated certain rules and boundaries and therefore he was challenged and even threatened. I gradually had to let go of my fear and the need to control him, and make room for the unique Light that he came to bring here.
In your earthly terms, one might say I had to let go of my motherhood. The part of me that tended to be anxious, overbearing and controlling, I had to release. Until finally I realized that he was not my child. Yes, he had been born though me, through my body, but he was not mine. He was a mature soul in his own right, wanting to shape and create his life in his very own way. Moreover, he was supported in this by heavenly powers that supported a special path for him. But isn’t this true for all of us? For every child that comes to the earth, there is a special path, his or her path, chosen by this soul. This you have to realize as a mother, and respect it. As soon as a child comes out of your womb, one has to learn to let them be and trust their innate strength and capacities to solve the issues they will encounter during their life.
Eventually, it was Jeshua’s choice to die at the cross. He allowed this to happen. I had to come clean with the fact that this was his decision, that it belonged to the path of his soul and that therefore it was appropriate. I cried bitter tears and my heart was filled with darkness and despair as I watched him die. Do not think that I could transcend my suffering easily and have peace with what took place. I was not a saint. I was devastated by it and indeed it was my ‘dark night of the soul’. At the same time, this experience taught me great truth and eventually it brought me enormous liberation. But this came afterwards. Jeshua’s presence in my life lifted me and in the end I allowed myself to be lifted; this was my most courageous act in that lifetime. The Christ energy that came through Jeshua challenged me to see him die at the hands of brutal killers and yet trust that greater power, that higher wisdom guiding us all.
Surrendering myself and my grief to this higher source of wisdom awakened me at deep levels. It awakened my higher self and made it come forward during that earthly life back then. I started to truly realize then that inner peace and freedom, that which you all so long for, can never be attained by wanting to take control of life. However, motherhood has in your culture become associated with clasping and controlling. A good mother, it is said, goes through fire and water for her children and never stops to fight for them. Although unconditional love sometimes takes the form of perseverance and implacability, for me true motherhood meant that I let go of my fears and expectations about Jeshua. My greatest achievement was that I released Jeshua and let him be who he was. Only then could I sense the overwhelming beauty and purity of who he was and what he represented. Only then could I truly be there for him, as an equal, a soul mate, as a mother in the spiritual sense of the word. This was my heaviest assignment: to learn to be a spiritual mother and to let go of the emotions of the earthly mother.
When I died in that lifetime and passed over to this realm, I was tired and worn out on the one hand. I had experienced so much, went through so many emotional ups and downs. But on the other hand, I felt deeply enriched. A great Light had touched me and through it, my higher self was able to come through and manifest itself on earth. I had released, I had accepted ultimately that things were as they were. I let go of my earthly motherhood (in the sense of a worrisome, controlling motherhood) and became a mother in the spiritual sense.
You are all invited to become a spiritual mother to yourself. You all are struggling intensely with certain negative parts of you. These are emotional blockages or negative beliefs about yourself. Try to look at it with the eye of a spiritual mother: not a mother who wants to solve it all, but a mother who sees you, who recognizes your unique energy. A mother who does not want to change you but who honours you for who you are. Feel that kind of mother energy for a while. You can sense this energy as something that radiates from me, but it is not mine. I do not own it. It is more like a vibration or level of consciousness to which I had to rise up to liberate myself. It is universal and accessible to all of you. It is your heritage, for you are all meant to become spiritual mothers to the Christ child within.
You can access the energy of spiritual motherhood by stopping to try to solve your problems for a moment and just looking at them, letting them be for a while. Can you muster a sense of love and appreciation for yourself, while you are having this problem? That’s a start.
how a mother looks at her newborn child. On the one hand, there’s the intimacy
of being physically so close and on the other hand it is as though you look at
the child from a great distance, because you are filled by reverence and awe
for the very miracle of its being.
Now dare to look at yourself in this way. Create some distance toward yourself and realize how you have been walking your very own path, all of your life, and how you have always tried to build a satisfactory reality for yourself. Even when you make mistakes, as you call them, you are trying your very best, to create happiness or to find a way out of pain and despair. Give yourself a break for a while and generously allow yourself these mistakes. You are not here to be perfect. That would become quite boring actually. You are here to live, to experience and to move through your experiences with a sense of wonder, even if they are negative.
The worst thing that can happen to you as a human being is when you are not moving anymore, when you are not open to new experience anymore. This happens when you get completely stuck inside a problem or a belief system. Whenever you feel completely stuck and you do not seem to have any other choice but to passively endure the misery in your life, then you are spiritually dead. There is no space anymore, no air to breath, no sense of wonder in your life.
If such is the case, try and create some distance from the situation or problem. Try to breath around it. Imagine that the problem has a place in your body, for instance where it feels tense or painful, and let your breath easily flow towards that place and surround it with space. Feel the soft breeze of the air, surrounding the tense and cramped energy, and recognize the original sparkle of your soul in it. It is pure consciousness and a sense of wonder. Remember that your stay here is just temporary, you do not have to take it that seriously! It is a game, a grand game, and in a twinkling of the eye you are back on the other side, and you remember. You need not make it all so heavy, this is just one moment in time, breathe in space again and widen yourself, open yourself up and rise above that particular problem. You are much grander than that. Feel how things can start to move again in the space you create with your breath.
If it feels downright impossible to find space within, try to move physically. Do anything but think about the problem. Go outside, take a walk, focus your attention on something else, just to get the energy moving, to again connect to the flow of breathing, the sense of wonder, the Light that is you. Taking your mind off it will bring you new answers, new perspectives. Answers never come from your will or your mind. If you insist that “I have to find out now what I need to do”, then you put pressure on yourself and you get yourself stuck. The answer always comes from making your consciousness wider and more open, not from narrowing it down and focusing hard. And if your mind is obsessive and restless, and you seem unable to let go, move physically – go running, walking or swimming, it does not matter what. Physical movement calms down the energy in your head.
By connecting with the spiritual mother within, you can give yourself some space again. You take one step back, you let go of self judgment and that creates new room to Be. The negative things are given room as well, as the mother in you realizes that they are there for a reason and have a definite cause in the past. When you feel very sad and disillusioned, imagine the hand of a mother on your shoulder. Feel her slight yet comforting touch. A genuine mother merely has to look at you, and see through you with a glance, to console you. Let this consolation be with you, descending from heaven and ascending from deep within you. Reassure yourself, know that you are well: you are doing the best you can and it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are part of this game. Give yourself some leeway to live: to make choices, make mistakes and then make some new choices. That is what living is about. Continual movement and growth and discovery and a sense of wonder that accompanies it all. The art of living is to find room for choice in everything that occurs to you. If you find that space in which you have the freedom to choose the way you experience something, you are a master of life on earth. Things will loosen up, even in dire circumstances, and answers will come to you that you (your mind) would not have expected. You let the magic of life take over.
I am now residing in a realm of freedom and creative joy. The burdens of earthly life are not upon me anymore and I enjoy being here as a visitor, connecting with you from the heart. I wish to impress upon you that you can share in that same freedom and joy, even while on earth, in your own unique way. Freedom is available to all of you now, if you dare to let go and trust the hand of Love that guides you. It is time now to celebrate life. Allow light, air and space into your life so that it may flow again according to the rhythm of your divine soul.