We are happy to announce that we added new material to our website www.jeshua.net
from Mary: Fear as doorway to the
unknown – both in written format and as audio file. Mary discusses the need
for lightworkers to remain in a space of trust and surrender in these
challenging times. The fear which you are confronted with is meant to bring to you
a new experience of love and joy; it is meant to liberate you from limitations
you did not even know were there in your life.
wondered about the connection between being highly sensitive and being a
lightworker? Gerrit has written an article
on high sensitivity, based on his own experience and the many stories of
his clients about this phenomenon.
Jeshua Channelings are now available as E-book
for 5.95 USD
A personal note
First of all, I’d like to thank you for all your heart-felt responses to my last newsletter, in which I told you about the difficult transformation process I went through during the past year, going through a lot of fear and depression (see Archive for previous newsletter). I was moved by your kindness and support and by your willingness to share your own story with me. I discovered that many of you are in some way going through the same, intense ‘turning yourself inside out’ process.
Presently, I still feel enveloped by a sense of wonder and joy. I have recovered quite well, and what’s more, I feel more relaxed and happy than before I “crashed”. I feel grateful for the life I am able to live, with a husband and daughter who I love deeply, work that fulfils my soul, and the freedom to organise my days as I like, not dependent on any authority outside of me who tells me what to do. More and more, I feel it is joy that is my best employer. When I wonder “shall I do this or that?” or “do I have to this or that?” there’s this inner voice asking me “would that be the most joyful thing to do now?” If I follow my sense of joy, things go smoothly, not just when I am writing or reading/channeling, but also when I’m shopping or doing the laundry. The notion that I must do a lot of things in order to be nice, responsible, a “good girl”, is starting to lose its grip on me. The wonderful thing is that it’s not just me feeling liberated because of that. People around me benefit from it too, because I am less stressed and uptight. As a motivator, joy is so much more inspiring than acting from a sense of obligation. Joy expresses the energy of abundance: I do this because I love to do this, not because I have to in any way. Wouldn’t it be fun to always live like this?
In response to my last newsletter, a few readers wondered how I could have fallen so deep into fear, self-doubt and depression if I am connected to a highly evolved teacher like Jeshua. I am quoting my answer to one of these readers below, because I feel it’s quite important to realize that 1. channelers are very human, 2. highly evolved teachers never reject you for having negative emotions and 3. the experience of negativity may be meaningful even if you don’t know it at that moment.
Question: How could you, with your direct connection to an entity such as Jeshua, still fall prey to such harm?
I don’t think you should be surprised about my ‘fall’ into depression, doubt and despair. Even if I channel Jeshua I am still very human and I feel the spiritual journey is about embracing the human parts of ourselves rather than overcoming/transcending them. Also, life is full of paradoxes. It is because I started channeling that I came across a lot of fear inside of me. Fear of being different, fear of being ridiculed. It’s sometimes said that great light evokes great darkness; it invites it to come to the surface. So in that sense to connect with someone like Jeshua is to “ask for trouble”…
I now feel that this dark episode in my life wasn’t without meaning. For one, I now feel deeply grateful to be alive. I feel more joy than I did for years. I enjoy every day and even feel blissful at times, especially when I don’t think and just “am”. Also, I can now relate to people who have had similar experiences, whereas I could not do that before. I did not know how a depression felt from the inside. When I got depressed, I didn’t know I was in a depression. I thought that to be depressed was to experience heavy emotions of sadness and gloom. But I felt nothing; I was in a kind of no man’s land. I didn’t accept help and thought people were lying to me. I was very suspicious. I lost the connection with Jeshua. I did believe the spiritual world existed; I did not become an atheist. (That wasn’t a relief however, because it meant that death would not end my suffering). My disconnection from my spiritual guides I thought was not because they didn’t exist but because I wasn’t worthy to be their channel.
You ask how all this could happen to me. I now see it in the following way. I was having trouble with fear ever since I started channeling in 2002. The messages that came through were (of course) meant for me just as much as for other people. About two years ago I felt the strong inner desire to be free of fear, to be able to be among people and express myself freely in a relaxed and open way. They say: be careful what you wish for because it might come true. I believe that the darkness that fell upon me this past year was a part of my soul that needed to be healed in order to be more free and relaxed among people. I now feel I may have attracted this experience to me because it was what needed to happen for my wish to come true. On a more mundane level, my brain got messed up due to lack of sleep. I got psychotic because of that. On the level of the soul however, I feel there was meaning behind this process.
Presently, I feel more open to people and less fearful. One of the benefits of speaking out publicly about one’s own dark parts is that people recognise you as a human being. They get to know your vulnerable, not-enlightened side and that’s actually a relief, because then you don’t have to put up appearances and are able to connect from heart to heart. The fact that I opened up about my dark parts has made my relationship with people more open-hearted, intimate and fun.
I think very few humans alive are consistently ‘heart-based’ in their consciousness. Teachers such as Jeshua help us see the grand picture of our evolution and encourage us to take another step towards heart-based consciousness. We are in the midst of the transformation from ego to heart and although our hearts may be opened, there are still a lot of ego parts inside, even if you feel the connection with angels or someone like Jeshua. I think the best way to deal with this imperfection is to not deny that it’s there (even if you also have deeply spiritual experiences), to try to accept it and have compassion with it - and on occasion have a good laugh about it.
May joy light your way!
Pamela & Gerrit
© Pamela Kribbe 2010
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