In this biography, I’m telling a little more about my personal background and spiritual development. Many people have asked me how I got acquainted with channeling and how the connection with Jeshua came about. This biography does not so much offer an explanation of the phenomenon of channeling as a personal story about what it means for me.
My name is Pamela Rose Kribbe and I was born on September 6, 1968 in a small village in The Netherlands. In my childhood, I had a strong interest in the (children’s) Bible and in stories about the life of Jesus, which was strange because my parents were not religious in any active way. At age 12, my grandmother died. I had dearly loved her and she was like a parent to me, since she lived in our house as part of our family. After her death, we – my mother, aunts, cousins and I – got very interested in literature about the afterlife, psychic phenomena etc. This interest remained until I went to the university at 19 years of age. I started my studies in philosophy at the University of Leiden and after a year I had turned into a skeptic, thinking all this religious stuff was highly superstitious and irrational. I fell in love with the rationalist approach in philosophy and I worked and studied hard. I graduated cum laude and was then offered a position as a Ph.D. student at a different university in The Netherlands. My field of research was contemporary philosophy of science. Meanwhile, at age 23, I had started a relationship with a somewhat older man who was successfully pursuing an academic career as well. We lived together in a nice house, and I thought I was quite happy.
This was not really the case, as I found out through meeting a young man who I fell deeply in love with. He was a philosopher and Ph.D. student as well and, different from my partner, he believed in ‘spiritual things’ while at the same time being sensitive, intelligent and rational. This stirred something deep within me. I had this old interest in the spiritual, but it had become ‘forbidden’ in my academic environment, and now there was someone, who I would now term as a ‘soul mate’, reminding me about a part of me that had been kept hidden too long. We could talk endlessly about philosophy and spirituality. We fell in love, I left my partner, the house and the city I lived in, but we did not live happily ever after. Our relationship was short-lived and ended in what I experienced as great emotional trauma. Our heavy crush completely uprooted both our lives, but due to character differences and emotional turmoil, we could not build a life together and we broke up after less than six months.
I was renting a small room on my own at that time, living like a poor student again. I didn’t mind about the material backslide though. I was torn apart with grief and sadness because this soulmate-lover had left me. It felt like nothing mattered to me anymore, and I couldn’t care less about the completion of my Ph.D. thesis. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was offered a scholarship which enabled me to stay one semester at the University of Harvard in the United States. I could simply attend classes that I liked, without much pressure on me to do anything in particular.
So I went, and it was an incredibly deepening experience for me. I felt totally alone for the first time in my life, and I could only endure it, bear it so to speak, with no solutions at hand. Intellectually I had become empty. The interest I took in academic philosophy had completely withered and I had to try really hard to stay awake during the courses I took at one of the world’s most famous universities. My mind could not take in anything ‘intellectual’ anymore. I was very tired and after classes I just slept or spent time with my kind roommate, who was lonely too and had just come out of an unhappy marriage. In a bookstore near the university, I discovered a book by Seth, channeled through Jane Roberts. I had never read channeled material before, and at first I did not understand anything about it. But I felt drawn to it again and again and after a while, reading this material became the highlight of my days.
It was not merely the content that struck me as quite original and profound, it was the energy that touched and uplifted me. It was to me the first thing that called me back to life again.
After my stay in the U.S., I decided to finish my Ph.D. thesis, although I knew I would not pursue an academic career anymore. In 1997 when I was 29 years, I graduated with a doctorate in philosophy, and by then I had found a nice apartment for myself again, and I valued and enjoyed my independence. I had grown, I had overcome the worst crisis in my life and I had recovered to some extent. I had had to learn one of the most difficult lessons for me: that one cannot completely lose oneself in a relationship, that one has to accept one’s own ‘individualness’. I had always experienced ‘falling in love’ as almost a religious thing, like I was waiting for someone or something to ‘lift me up’ from the incomplete state of aloneness, enabling me to feel ecstatic oneness and complete recognition. This desire for ‘transcendence’ or ‘oneness’, rising above the boundaries of ‘me’, had eventually driven me to utter loneliness and despair. I was now recovering from this, with a new sense of awareness, but still I felt quite lonely. I then met a former fellow student, and he was the only one at that point in my life who I could talk with, really talk with, about the things that mattered to me. We got involved and lived together for almost four years. It was more like a brother-and-sister relationship though. I told myself this was for the best, since too much passion had gotten the better of me and I still felt disillusioned about that former relationship.
Meanwhile, I had to prepare myself to find work, now that I had said goodbye to university life. This was not as easy as I thought. My boyfriend and I planned to teach philosophy courses and do counseling work, and take part-time jobs ‘just for the money’. I started working as a secretary in various jobs, but I was appalled at how 'office life’ works, the power struggles, the gossips, the humiliation of not being able to express one’s true abilities (as a secretary). I was utterly naïve, since I had spent ten years at the university, working at home most of the time and having lots of freedom to organize my work as I pleased. After a couple of years, I moved into a more prestigious job, but I ended up being very stressed.
Then came a turning point. I had an aura reading from a woman who later became my teacher, that greatly moved me and awakened me. It made me realize that both in the area of work and in the area of relationships, I was unhappy and out of balance. I could admit to myself that I was in a dead end street. I had these surges of creative energy, I had dreams and visions for the future, but meanwhile I was simply holding on to a relationship and a working environment that were preventing me from truly expressing myself. I was afraid to be ‘on my own’ again. A few months after I met this spiritual therapist, I started a course in intuitive development and aura reading with her and I quit my stressful, unsatisfying job. I started another easier part-time job (which would not last long either).
In the Fall of that year 2000, I felt drawn to investigate my past lives through regression therapy. This proved to be an amazing adventure. I had already started to spontaneously view past life images, which evoked strong emotions in me and gave me the sense of being a much larger identity than just my current personality. In the past life regression therapy, I investigated many lifetimes, which explained a lot to me about why I had always felt certain ways. The one that perhaps impacted me most was the most recent lifetime in which I died as a Holocaust victim in the concentration camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau. Reliving this experience made me understand the inexplicable sadness that I had always sensed deep inside, and the resistance I had felt towards life. Other lifetimes, reaching from spiritually focused ones to very disempowered ones and ones in which I misused my power, opened up such a new range of awareness, that I felt a great desire to share my experiences with someone who would understand. My boyfriend had by then started to think I was going slightly mad…
I had just got acquainted with the Internet then and browsing around, I stumbled on Gerrit’s web site about reincarnation, time and spirituality. Immediately, I was struck by the energy it emitted and by the shared interests we had. I had the strangest feeling that either he was someone incredibly familiar to me, or I was really going mad and making things up. I decided to write him anyway and a lively correspondence ensued. Three months later we met in person. I had by then broken up with my partner. When I met Gerrit, I had the sensation that I knew him very well, only not as this particular 20th century appearance! It was inexplicable and mysterious. I was immediately drawn to him and, as it happened, he to me!
I moved in with him a few months later, got pregnant right away and before the year was over we were married! In 2002, our daughter Laura was born. The period in which I thoroughly investigated my past lives, got to know Gerrit and moved to another part of The Netherlands (where Gerrit lived) felt to me like a period of deep transition, even dying. I felt like I was emerging from my previous personality as a new ‘me’, but more of ‘me’ than I had ever been before! I felt like I was entering an altogether new way of being, in which, finally, things made sense, fitted together and paved the way for long held dreams to come true.
After my daughter was born, I started my spiritual practice for aura reading and healing and clients started to come to me from the middle of 2002 onward. Things just went naturally and smoothly, without having to put too much effort into it. I had finally found the work that I could truly express myself in. I did have to deal with a lot of fears I had not anticipated. Now that I was doing the work I loved, I discovered I had fears about really expressing myself, about being different, being strong and self confident, etc. I felt vulnerable, because for the first time I was truly expressing myself, withholding nothing and the risk of being rejected or criticized frightened me. I could do only a few consultations a week.
Meanwhile, Gerrit and I often held sessions for ourselves, exploring our inner worlds, the emotional scars and wounds from this and other lifetimes, and other subjects such as astrology, the changes in the world etc. One night, I felt a presence near me whose energy was different from what I was used to. It felt serious and solemn and it made me slightly nervous. I was used to making contact with spiritual guides, my own or other people’s guides. But this felt different. I decided to investigate who this was, with the help of Gerrit, and when I got into the trance state and connected to the energy, I saw the name ‘Jeshua ben Joseph’ in front of my inner eye and I immediately felt it was true. In a split second, just before my intellect started to raise doubts and questions, I recognized Jeshua as a deeply familiar presence that it was very natural to feel close to. There was an inner recognition and therefore I accepted the connection. The fact that he presented himself as ‘Jeshua ben Joseph’ and not ‘Jesus’ showed me that he wanted to make clear from the start that he was not the personality manufactured by the Bible and by tradition.
I started to explore the connection with Jeshua in the coming weeks and months. I told no one, only Gerrit knew. It felt authentic and right, even though I had to get used to the energy I felt entering my aura and body when I connected to Jeshua. His energy was very ‘centering’ and grounding, and it gave me a clear focus, devoid of sentimentality and drama. It was quite direct and powerful. What frightened me was the power in it! It offered me a level of consciousness in which one sees things very clearly, but also in a way that might be upsetting or unsettling to others. It was part of my personality that I tried to be ‘nice and sweet’, avoiding confrontations, and I thought I had already become quite independent and assertive. But Jeshua’s energy showed me I had ways to go yet! Especially working as a reader and healer, I had to balance my sensitive and empathic side with a male energy that would allow me to be up front, protect my boundaries and help me stay balanced and centered amidst heavy emotional energies. Jeshua offered me guidance in my work as a therapist, not only by giving me information in words or phrases, but by actually conveying his energy to me, making me understand what it is like to see things through his eyes, or perhaps better put: through the eyes of the Christ energy (which is in all of us). By channeling his energy, literally by allowing it into my body and aura, I could personally grow and understand more.
After a while, Jeshua also started giving information to Gerrit and me that was more universal in nature. I would go into a trance state, guided by Gerrit, and then Jeshua would give me messages which came to me in the form of words, or feelings which I had to translate into words. Perhaps the best way to put it is that he conveys insights to me (which make me feel like: Oh now I see!) and that it is my task to translate these into the appropriate words, phrases and sentences. Sometimes the words roll easily out of my mouth, like they are given to me; at other times I have to look for formulations that ‘match’ the energy I feel and it’s more of a struggle. Also, the energy that comes forth in a channeling is sometimes difficult to put into words, for it is not just the literal information that comes through but also an energy of healing, love and clarity.
The first series of messages that came through was the Lightworker Series (published on this web site). It contains messages about the history of the lightworker souls, the coming of a new era, and the transition from ego-based consciousness to heart-based consciousness. Jeshua told us this series of messages was meant especially for lightworkers. He said it was important that they wake up and realize who they are. It is when they have awakened that they will help other portions of humanity on their way towards a heart-based consciousness.
I still had told no one about my connection with Jeshua, being afraid of ridicule and disbelief. It seemed quite impossible to me to say the words: “I am channeling Jeshua or Jesus” out loud to anyone. There was this skeptical philosopher lingering in the back of my mind, explaining to me I was about to have myself declared insane, confused, pretentious, etc. Nevertheless, I confided in some close friends and we had some small sessions together which worked out well. Also, we published the first series of channelings on my web site (in Dutch). Then, more than a year after I had ‘met’ Jeshua, I got an invitation from a Belgian spiritual center to come and give a public channeling. I was shocked at the mere thought of it, but on the other hand I knew I should not refuse, that I had to go through this fear, and that Jeshua would not lead me astray. I was nervous for weeks and sick and sleepless the days before, but then the first public channeling took place and it had a great positive impact on me. It was a short channeling and Q&A session (the first one of the Healing Series, published on the web site) but I felt Jeshua’s presence pouring though me very clearly. People were warm and enthusiast in their reactions, and the ‘public hanging’ failed to occur.
I was on such a high after that first public channeling that I immediately decided to organize meetings at our own house and so we did. But the fears were not over yet. Every time I had to channel in front of an audience I felt great resistance, fear and even anger! I was never one who felt comfortable speaking in public, being shy and withdrawn. Why put myself in such a vulnerable spot, not sure whether anything coherent would come out my mouth or whether Jeshua was going to ‘be there’ in the first place?! Of course, he was always ‘there’ for me. My persistent insecurity, fear and indignation that ’I had to do this’ was simply my ego fighting to the last to put an end to this ‘wildly irresponsible undertaking’. Having Jeshua speak through me went against all my ‘safety mechanisms’. It flaunted all my acquired habits of being cautious, reserved and ‘at the sidelines’. I had been a bit of a misanthrope for long, not trusting people easily. Now here was this energy presence, telling people through me how he loved and cherished them, encouraging them to embrace their own inner knowing and power, even scolding them humorously about their stubbornness or resistance. This could not be me!
I was amazed at the reactions we received. First, we put all the channelings on our Dutch web site, which started to attract a growing audience. We got hundreds of e-mails in the years that followed from people telling us they were very moved by the messages and that it was almost like Jeshua spoke to them directly! After a while, I translated the channelings into English and we made an English web site as well. It didn’t attract many readers at first but Jeshua told us to simply let it be and wait. Indeed, after more than a year we started to receive messages from English speaking readers as well and we started to offer long distance readings to people abroad as well. Things were getting busy.
Several people from different countries then contacted us through e-mail and volunteered to translate the Jeshua messages. They manifested ‘out of nothing’ to us, able translators and kindred spirits who felt like family and who simply offered their services because they were inspired by the Jeshua material. It’s amazing. Translations into Spanish, Hebrew, French, Portuguese and Finnish are now available on the Internet. We were befriended by people around the world, sharing a common interest and desire which seems to transcend cultural boundaries. Jeshua had told me that I just had to write the material and then let go. It would find its own away and it truly did.
The Internet has been a major medium for this. One of the ‘synchronicities’ in our story was that Gerrit works as an IT consultant and was able to design and maintain web sites. I also feel that my background as a philosopher has helped me a lot to translate the energy of Jeshua into words and concepts. Also, I had always loved to write and I had been trained to write in English as a student of philosophy. I feel that in creating the channelings and doing readings for clients, I am finally ‘doing my thing’, the thing that I was ‘born to do’. It gives me a deep sense of fulfillment to receive so many warm and kind responses from people all over the world, and I also feel grateful that I can now make a living out of the thing that I love to do most!
In conclusion, I would like to make some general remarks on the phenomenon of channeling. Perhaps, being Dutch (they are considered to be a very down-to-earth people!) and still quite skeptical about some of the new age stuff I encounter, I would like to put some things about channeling into perspective.
The relationship between channeler and channeled entity
I think that channeling is a cooperation between a human being and a non-physical entity who acts as a teacher. The teacher offers inspiration and a larger perspective to the human being, and the human being translates the energy of the spiritual entity into the words and concepts he is acquainted with through his upbringing, education and culture. I do not believe that it is possible, or even desirable, that the human channel should completely set himself aside, in order to “purely channel” the non-physical entity’s energy. I think it is inevitable that the channel’s mind set, awareness and vocabulary greatly influence what comes through. Even if the channel goes into a deep trance state, he is the receiver, the vessel and therefore co-creator of the material. I think it is naïve to presume that a channeler can receive a message totally ‘from without’, taking no part in it. I believe the messages come ‘from within’, through his consciousness, enlarged by the spiritual teacher’s consciousness, and that the quality of the channeling does not so much depend on the extent to which the channeler can eliminate himself as on the level of consciousness that both the channeler and the channeled entity posses. Channeling is essentially a co-creation.
How to judge the quality of channeled information
Channeling can be beautiful and inspiring. But it can also lead to nonsense, hollow phrases, or fearful, moralistic tales of woe. At the worst, it leads to the worship of authorities who have nothing going for them except their name or rank in some invisible spiritual hierarchy. Looking up to elusive authorities outside of us - wasn’t that precisely what all spiritual teachers had warned us against?
The fact that information is channeled says absolutely nothing about the quality of it. In the philosophy of science, the branch of philosophy that investigates what makes scientific theories ‘scientific’ or trustworthy, a useful distinction is made between the ‘context of discovery’ and ‘the context of justification’. What leads to the discovery of a scientific theory has no bearing on whether it can be justified. A scientist can make up any theory he wants, relying on personal dreams, associations, or reveries, but once he has formulated the theory, it will be judged by his peers on the basis of generally acknowledged criteria such as empirical confirmation, coherence, explanatory power, etc. So in the context of discovery, anything goes, whereas in the context of justification, the theory has to live up to certain standards of quality in order to be valued by the scientific community. I think the same goes for channeled material. Channeled messages should be judged by the same standards as spiritual texts from ‘mere humans’: is the information clear, does it add new insights to your knowledge, does it inspire you to love yourself more, do you feel enlightened and uplifted by the message? I think if the answer is ‘yes’, the question of who channeled it and how it came about (the context of discovery) is relatively unimportant. The proof is in the pudding, not in the alleged rank or status of the one who prepared it.
My own experience as a channeler
When I channel Jeshua, I feel myself getting larger instead of smaller. I feel his energy helping me rise to the greatness of my own greater Self. I think he is in fact mediating between ‘the small everyday me’ and the ‘larger Me’, helping me to embody it a little more. Every time he does this and I allow it, I am expanding my consciousness a little more, and it affects my own growth and empowerment. One time, I did a channeling (about “Relationships in the New Era”) in which I so strongly felt the presence of my own higher of greater self (who I call Aurelia), that I doubted whether I was still channeling Jeshua. I asked him that evening before I went to sleep, and then he said something very endearing to me: ‘Remember always, I am there for you, you are not there for me’. This made it very clear to me. We are all meant to fully embody and manifest our greater Selves here on earth. Teachers come along to help us on our path, and if it’s a true teacher, he or she will help you as long as you need it, and then get out of the way.
Jeshua is still with me, although I feel I am not ‘chatting’ as much with him as I used to in the beginning. Often nowadays when I ask him a personal question, he asks me: what do you truly feel about it? And when I focus on that, the answer is there, from my own inner knowing and intuition. So, Jeshua encourages us all to take up our own power, and to see channeling as a means and not as an end. Perhaps one day I will be able to ‘channel’ my own higher or Christ self, and not rely on Jeshua anymore. I am sure he would be the first to applaud me!
Jeshua on channeling
I will conclude with a ‘channeling on channeling’, a few words from Jeshua on his relationship with me as channeler.
Channeling is a way of getting closer to yourself with the help of another – non-physical – being. This being temporarily plays the role of a teacher. The energy of the teacher helps you get to a deeper level of yourself. The teacher’s energy lifts you out of the fears that keep your own light veiled.
A teacher shows you your own light. The teacher is more aware of your light than you are. As soon as this light, your inner knowing, is accessible to yourself, the teacher becomes superfluous. You are then able to channel your own light. The teacher does not have to act as a bridge any more between you and your higher self.
I am reminding you for a while of your own light. I mirror your greatness to you in the shape of Jeshua ben Joseph. In me you see yourself, your Christ self, but you do not realize this fully yet. I am like a frame of reference to you, my energy serves as a beacon. I help you get more deeply acquainted with your own Christ self. It slowly will move to the foreground, and I will move to the background. This is all right. It is as it should be. Don’t forget, in this relationship, I am there for you, you are not there for me. I am not the aim, but the means. The rebirth of Christ is the awakening of your Christ self, not mine.
I act according to what serves your greater Self. My aim is that you make me superfluous. When you channel me, do not try to make yourself small or invisible. I wish that you make yourself bigger, feel your true strength flow out of you and shine upon the world.
A teacher points at the road but it is you who walk it. After a while, you find yourself walking alone, having left the teacher behind. This is a grand and sacred moment. The teacher will stay with you, will live on in your heart as an inner presence, but the separate figure will disappear.
We stay connected, but as you grow, you will less and less see me, or want to call upon me, as a separate being. I will slowly become part of your own energy. And at some point, you will not know me as separate from you anymore. This will show that you have truly heard and seen me.
Jeshua, summer 2006
© Pamela Kribbe