by Gerrit Gielen

In my practice, I am aware that many women have resistance against the male energy. They associate it with aggression, cruelty, sexual abuse, and oppression. They see it as something to avoid, as something not to have anything to do with. It is seen to be the cause of all that is wrong with this world. Unfortunately, such a position by a woman results in an inability to say “no” in order to set boundaries and to choose for her self. She believes that if you choose for yourself, you opt for the masculine, and that would be completely wrong and selfish. As a woman, you need to be loving and spiritual.

Of course, men also become totally confused. What are they to do with their male energy, with something that is so “bad”? Women seem to send out contradictory signals. They say that men should be more connected with their feelings, when in truth they find such men “wimps” and they prefer to fall for men who are macho.

So what is really going on here? Are men really a mistake of Creation that women are saddled with? And what should those “mistakes of Creation” now do with themselves and with their masculinity?

Creation and birth

Let’s start there. What was there before Creation? Well, nothing, because time is a part of the universe. So there is no point in asking what was before Creation, because time did not exist before Creation. However, there is a part of the universe that exists outside of space and time: from our point of view this part is eternal; it has always been there, it will always be there. This part is the source of everything, it is a point of endless, unconditional love. Love is the source of all that is. In Creation, time and space come to existence and consciousness splits itself into a duality: an inner world and outer world; subjectivity and objectivity. This is a process that continually takes place. Creation is not something of the past, it is happening now.

Love also splits itself into duality: into love for the outer world and love for the inner world, the female and male energies. The female energy is focused on the outer world, on linking and connecting to other human beings, animals, and plants. The male energy is focused on the inner world, on inner authority and autonomous self-realization.

Love becomes fire: the boy is born

Just imagine that before your birth, you were a beautiful, loving Angel. The separation of the male and the female has not yet happened. Then the Angel descends into our world, where on this physical level, a split happens between the male and the female. The unity splits itself into twins: a boy and a girl. The little girl is full of love for the outer world. The little boy is a core of love for himself. Such a core of love we call fire.

Your fire is the first manifestation of male energy in yourself. So what is this fire? It is your desire for life, for adventure, for discovery, but also for manifesting your inner fire in the world. To manifest what is unique to you, to put down something new, to break old boundaries. Feel how this fire is deeply concentrated self-love within yourself. Also feel that every fire is different, each fire is unique and has its own color

The male energy is generated out of love of self. At first this love is so concentrated that it manifests as a fire, symbolized by the little boy. If you want to enable the male energy, feel this fire again. Feel what your fire is. Accept this fire and see your inner boy.

It all begins by accepting this boy inside you so that you are able to truly love this fire, this passion, within you. Love for yourself leads to self-respect. Someone who has self-respect sets boundaries in a natural way.

Many people practice setting limits by learning to say “no”; they see this as a manifestation of power. But that is essentially not true. Rather, setting limits is a manifestation of love for yourself, that is the real power. Done in the right way, each “no” is saying “yes” to yourself, from love of who you are becoming.  Love for yourself begins with recognizing that naughty child inside you: that little boy who wants to break through boundaries, explore new territories, and finally manifest himself from pure concentrated, passionate love for himself.

In other words, if you are practicing very hard to learn to say “no”, you are essentially making a mistake. It is not about saying “no” to others, it is about learning to say “yes” to yourself. “Yes, I matter; yes, my light may radiate; yes, I can make a space for myself.” That is what it is about.

If you imagine yourself as a beautiful burning fire, people will not then overstep their boundaries, they will be careful.

Becoming aware of your own male energy always begins with the awareness of the little boy inside you. Without a little boy, there is not a true male energy. And making that happen is tricky because we live in a world where the little boy is not welcome.

Why the little boy is not welcome

Imagine that in earlier times you were born as a girl. You were then expected to wear dresses as a child, to help mother, and to play with dolls. Later you had to get married, stay at home, stay uneducated, and to care for your husband and children, and this had to be your only true desire. Only then were you considered to be a good girl.

In other words, if you were a girl, then the little boy in you was completely unwelcome in the world. A girl who had different plans, who wanted to develop and undertake adventures for herself was soon told by everyone that this is very unnatural, with the result that you became saddled with a lot of guilt. Independent thinking was out of the question for girls; therefore girls were kept ignorant. There are still many people in this world, even today, who think that girls do not need to be educated.

The “boy” inside the girl still has a difficult time. Many women have a kind of inner taboo against the male energy, and therefore also against the little boy. To be spiritual means to be sweet, nice, and empathic. A naughty little boy does not fit in with that image. 

In fact, if you were born as a boy, you did not fare much better. Why not? Because the world needed men who obeyed: hard workers and soldiers, certainly not men who thought independently. The world did not need free spirits who loved adventure, such as artists and freethinkers. In other words, for a very long time, human society wanted to create men who were prepared to oppress the little boy inside themselves.

A wise man nurtures his inner boy. He knows that this boy is the source of his inspiration, his life energy, his reason for being. The little boy is the change that a man wants to bring to the world. But the existing social structures do not like change. And that is why a man is not allowed to be a good father for his inner boy. Instead of being inspired by the little boy, he is doomed to suppress it.

Existing social structures do not help the little boy to manifest his creative energy, these structures are used mostly to maintain themselves. Dictators, rulers, bosses, generals – they all want men who are obedient, who follow blindly, not men who have attuned to their inner boy. That is why the little boy in the man is unwelcome.

Imagine a boy who looks at the star-studded night sky filled with curiosity. In his heart he feels a deep connection with the stars; he wants to know more about them. He wants to travel to the stars and discover what the cosmos is all about. This is a boisterous deep desire that only a little boy can feel – he feels his inner fire burning.

It would be great, of course, if this little boy is allowed to grow into a man who puts this desire into motion and gives it a central place in his life. He becomes, for example, an astronomer, or science fiction writer, or he is going on astral voyages into the universe, or he even gets real contact with alien creatures.

A wise man is one who is a good father to this little boy; who allows the inner little boy into his life; who remains true to his inner fire and continues to believe in his fire. He is not put off by a world that says it is all impossible and he needs to grow up.

Such a man will always fascinate and inspire others. Because he allows the boy inside himself to be alive, he will also touch the boy in others. In this way, he gives others the feeling that they are alive; he reminds them of their original fire, of who they are. He has no trouble with setting boundaries, with saying “no” to others. People feel his fire and see that when a man is in contact with his inner fire, he is inspired and inspiring. They are teachers, and I remember this from school. The teachers who really spoke from their own fires were the good teachers; they inspired and brought about something creative.

Unfortunately, that is not usually the way it happens. The boy quickly gets told that he should not be a dreamer. He must be prepared for a life in society, a life of responsibility, take a nine to five office job. The fire should only be lived in a passive way. You are allowed to read science fiction books in your free time, subscribe to an Astronomy magazine and buy a telescope. If you do not let the fire die out completely, you still have enough life for yourself so that you are not too unhappy. At this time, it is true that adult men allow the boy in only in their spare time. Adulthood means to no longer pay attention to the little boy, to no longer believe in your dreams, but instead to listen to the boss and totally meet the expectations of society and your parents.

Women often suppress the little boy in themselves by ignoring it, by not letting it be, because they have come to believe that the little boy is not a part of them. As long as they do this, they will never be able to create a healthy inner man. Men, on the other hand, suppress their boy with force. The tragedy of men is that they use their power against themselves.

Because we unfortunately live in a world where little boys are not welcome, guys do not do well in school. Their rebellious, adventurous energy causes confusion in them and they wonder why they should be locked up in a building. Life is, after all, one big adventure of discovering and experiencing things.

The teachers that usually stand in front of the class do not understand them: they would rather have good little girls who study nicely. The dangers that boys prefer to court is threatening, they must be protected against that – they have to be sheltered against themselves. So the little boy is suppressed by more and more rules, more and more protection. Playgrounds are becoming safer. The paradox, however, is that in the safest playgrounds is where most accidents happen.

There is another paradox in education. The little boys who have the most difficulty in adapting, those who do not want to keep to the rules, the drop-outs, are often the most creative ones. They are people who in later life set up businesses, who are artists or innovators in society. Someone who once researched the richest men on Earth discovered to his surprise that not one of them had finished his schooling.  Even though little boys are not welcome, it is the little boys who are the ones that bring change to our world and give it color.

The wound in the male energy – the lost girl

In the beginning of this essay, I wrote that the male energy has become associated with aggression, cruelty, sexual abuse, and oppression. How has that come to be so?

That is because little boys are not allowed to naturally be. The man was not allowed to be a little boy. He was not allowed to go on adventures, explore, and create. That was considered all wrong, because then he would be using his male energy to do what he wanted for himself. His male energy had to be used by and for others; by his boss who made him work hard and did not want a man who had a novel thought or did other crazy stuff. Or, worse, a man’s energy had to be used by the dictator who needed him as a soldier to wage war.

Moreover, to suppress the little boy in a man has even graver consequences. A little boy loves to play with his twin sister: the other half of his soul. If he goes on an adventure he finds that he enjoys having the girl there. The girl points out to him the beauty of the world, lets him love animals. Through the girl, he much more enjoys all his adventures and discoveries; his life and experiences become richer because of the girl. In the healthy psyche of a child, there is a close cooperation between the boy and the girl.

Thanks to the girl, he grows into a balanced mature man who is connected to his feelings, he feels love for life. 

Mothers who have a boy often find it difficult that such a little boy does not talk about his feelings. The solution is simple: go do something with the little boy, build something together, go on an adventure together. What happens then is that the little boy is allowed to be who he is, and in this way, he also activates his inner girl. He then begins to talk and share.

The same goes the other way round. If you as a father want to do something together with your daughter it does not always go very well. But if you first talk and share a little, and then ask to do something together, you notice that all of a sudden you get a very enthusiastic response. The little boy is activated.

When the little boy is not allowed to play, he does not play with the little girl, either. The result is emotional poverty. There is an unbalanced male energy that is alienated from the female. Men have deep within themselves a lost girl that feels altogether neglected. And this is what those in power want, a man who is perfectly obedient and unfeeling, a robot. In this way, a man becomes dehumanized. 

When I was a child, I thought I would die when I grew up. I saw grown men as gray figures who did not play and had no fun, and always had to work very hard. In a way, I was right. Those were men who permanently repressed the little boy in themselves and altogether neglected the little girl.

Wounded Men

The tough, hard worker, the soldier who blindly obeys orders, these are wounded men. They are men who have suppressed their natural energy – the little boy – and thereby also have no contact with their original female side: the little girl. A man who did not learn to play with his inner girl when a boy, will not understand his inner woman.

To sum up, men are wounded, and women often have a false image of the male energy because there are so many wounded and hardened men. Through this false image, women become alienated from their own male energy. By a loss of contact with the male energy, there is too little self-love, too little self-respect. This results in women being unable to set boundaries and the onset of exhaustion, illness, and depression due to unnatural energies that corrupt their system

For men, the consequences are just as dramatic. Because they suppress their little boy, their life gets boring and they die inwardly. Because they also have no connection to the inner girl, with their inner woman, they are lonely. A loneliness that often is not even felt any more because the little girl is so completely lost.

Healing

All healing begins by again connecting with the inner boy. Luckily, healing is already in full swing. Certainly in the West, men have more free time at their disposal. Happily, in his spare time today, a man may enjoy life. Men are allowed to be sensitive men, women can make a career. Here there will be space for the little boy to play. And a playing boy again calls up the other half of his soul, the inner girl.

This is the key to inner healing: the boy calls on the girl, the girl calls on the boy. Their joint presence leads to consciousness of the soul, the true self.

In addition, at present there are more and more people who discover in their leisure time what they like to do and how this can also bring in money. Then a miraculous inner switch happens: the unique male energy is no longer used in the service of external powers, but in the service of the little boy, in the service of his own joy in life. This is a moment of inner healing: the man again takes his natural place.

For a man, the way to healing happens as follows. First connect with the lost little boy and start to live from this boy. Probably you already do this in your spare time or during holidays. Then more space gradually becomes available for the little boy, until you completely live from his inner passion. Of course, you then meet up with huge fears. Those fears always tell you that it cannot be done, that it is not possible, that it is irresponsible, that you must be satisfied with what you have. Look deeply at the source of that fear. It is probably caused by voices from the past, from your ancestors. Or the voices of authority that try to exercise power over you. Then make a choice. Ask yourself: would I put my male energy in the service of those voices, or in the service of my own fire, my own enthusiasm and creativity, the little boy within me?

Who do you serve, who is your master? If you start to live from the little boy you get in touch with unexpected creative resources in yourself. It turns out that you can be and do more than you ever thought possible. You become more aware of your feelings. Open a door to all of that.

Realize that if you give space to your own inner fire, and start to live from the little boy inside you, an inner journey of discovery also begins. We are one; we are people, not men or women, and we only achieve this unification when we leave behind all the old ideas about ourselves, about what it is to be a man or a woman. By beginning to live from the lost little boy, we become more aware of his twin sister: the lost little girl.

Men often do all sorts of weird things to be more in touch with their feelings: through support groups and the like. Sometimes this will help, but it is not the most natural way. The most natural way is to do what you like. Let the boy play again, let the fire burn again. If that happens, your emotional life will develop by itself. The boy calls up the girl. The soccer player enjoys an amazing kick, the chess player a brilliant move. The boy absorbed in his game makes a deep inner connection with the inner girl. This contact with the intuitive can give very deep, very intense feelings of beauty. This continues and will spread to all areas of life.

When the girl is there again, the wound is healing

Of course, the inner healing has an impact on the world around us. When the male energy allows itself to be abused by all sorts of old power structures, men do not act in harmony with the world around them. The result is destruction of our natural environment, of the planet Earth. By a return to listening to our inner fire, the male energy becomes aligned with the soul. On the level of the soul, there is harmony; therefore, the impulses of the soul will, in the long run, always bring harmony to this world. If we again begin to act from our soul, it will always lead to recovery of our living environment, the animal and plant kingdoms and of the Earth itself. Old fear-based structures, which strive for the amassing of property and power, will crumble because they are no longer supported by the male energy.

Finally, this. Many men complain that they find women difficult to understand. This is, of course, not the real problem; the problem is the lack of self knowledge. We are not simply male or female, we are human. By making a connection to the little boy, the man is also aware of his female side. As a result, he learns to become fully human: a being that is both male and female. Then he will no longer have trouble understanding women. Women are human, too.

© Gerrit Gielen

Translation by Maria Baes and Frank Tehan

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